A few days short of my 17th birthday, I took a boatload of sleeping pills in the hope that my life would end quickly, quietly and without too much of a splash. Now, every Autumn I find myself reflecting on that particular potential non-birthday. And since I’ve defied my own expectations by reaching a few days before my thirtieth birthday, I thought I’d try to get some of the annual thought-roundabout down and share with whoever cares to read this.
I don’t remember all that much about the attempt itself or the exact reasons for why it was this time in particular that I didn’t just think about taking the pills. I’m sure that this must have added to the frustration for those who cared about me. It wasn’t one particular thing. But, in a way, it was. My Great Aunt had called me, very upset with me for not visiting her that weekend. It was jarring. The conversation was over in an instant. The decision was made even quicker. It was just something that I was suddenly always going to have done.
Rose Sub Zero 